Author Topic: Just awakened/intro post  (Read 5031 times)

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helenetoile

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Just awakened/intro post
« on: May 19, 2015, 05:56:44 AM »
+5
I began to de-molyeux myself last night, for the first time! Since 2006 or early 2007, I had found videos by Stefan Molyneux and listented intently to the man who claimed to be the voice of logic -- who always knew "the truth about" everything. But only today, being carried back to those videos of 2006-2007, was I catapulted back into the deFOOing material that I had listened to back then. Mind you, I am not in general very suggestible -- except when going through major life changes, as I had been in 2005-2010. It was indeed a time for me where I felt that any contact at all with FOO or most friends from the past would be detrimental to becoming who I wanted. I was contemplating cutting off or some ties; and Stefan's videos gave me all the legitimacy I wanted to cement my feet and soul into the no-contact philosophy.

I have very recently emerged from the events I had brought upon myself in adopting deFOOing, without ever having called it that. The videos of Stefan presenting that bring up very vivid memories of taking license to make those decisions because he said it would be OK. I luckily did not stick around with his community, nor make any moneary contributions to him -- but I did almost completely shatter my chances of building any kind of a life -- and am still partially recovering from he consequences of deFOOing.

To be sure, I want to state, that some members of my immediate and extended family are psychopaths and narcissists; and most have never liked me. This is not a feeling I got from Stefan; but one that had always been there. But it is in the idea of a total break from the past and all of its relationships that one is left completely defenseless and susceptible to suggestion -- a clearing of any distractions, leaving a person exposed on all sides; and paricularly open to accept a destructive philosophy.

In my case, my relationship to my sister suffered the most by having listened to Stefan. With my mother having been dead since 1996; and my father a narcissist and often AWOL, being able to maintain closeness with her would have allowed me to maintain a single family member at my side while creating my family by marriage/choice. It would have prevented her from falling into questionable company, which eventually led to an accident; and to very severe disability -- leaving me with the responsibility to help her in many ways; and her with a deep neediness that will continue throughout life.

Seeing the refutations of Stefan now lead me to see how susceptible I was; how stupid I had been to turn to the internet to search for answers, in the form of talking heads (Stefan) telling me what to do with my life. In fact, giving the kind of advice he does implies taking the license to control other people's lives; as does turning to the internet for advice implies giving away control of our lives to a stranger. Stefan may be a well-informed stranger -- but that does not make him God.

I am still at the stages of trying to forgive myself and a few others for the events surrounding my sister's accident. Thoughts of registering formal complaints against people cross my mind.
To see now that Stefan had more influence on my decisions than people I knew in real life; or even that he influenced my life more than I allowed myself to influence it make me realize that we are never going to get Stefan to make it up to us. What we lost is lost for good.

I look forward to reading other people's perspectives on this forum.

Helene

Prodigal son

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2015, 06:54:34 AM »
+2
Seeing the refutations of Stefan now lead me to see how susceptible I was; how stupid I had been to turn to the internet to search for answers, in the form of talking heads (Stefan) telling me what to do with my life.

Hi Helene
I dunno that we need to be so hard on ourselves. I didn't know anything at all about philosophy when I started listening to His Lordship and that wasn't entirely my fault. It's only lately that philosophical concepts seem to be climbing up the agenda of public debate... and  of course such stuff doesn't get much of an airing in school other than in arcane and impenetrable lectures for clever folks that have little to do with the cut and thrust of our daily interactions.
I think the Internet is enormously valuable as a source of answers however, but this was perhaps our trial by fire to immunize us against con artists.

I wish you every success in re-establishing your own self-driven agenda. As for your sister, I don't suppose that whatever happened is actually your fault, but your expression of responsibility to look after her seems to me to speak very well of you. I hope you can do this with all the necessary assistance while continuing to pursue your own destiny.

money detonator

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2015, 10:39:25 AM »
0
I am very happy for you!   :)

ditto what PS said.  Don't be so hard on yourself. 

Disillusioned

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2015, 12:07:48 PM »
+3
Welcome, and congratulations on waking up to the undue influence you were exposed to. I know how painful and unsettling it is to realize someone you've never met could have such a powerful and destructive influence. What you say is true: what is lost is lost. That sucks and the time lost and damage done should be grieved.

I was in the cult for almost 4 years. I also lost a lot of time, and had to face the very serious and permanent consequences of that recently when a close family member passed away. She immediately forgave me when I reconnected, and I've got to spend quality time with her since I've come back, but I lost a lot of time with a very special, loving person that I can't get back.

I think everyone's path going into and coming out of cults is unique, but I want to assure you that it can get better. It took me a couple of years, but I'm finally on a good track personally and professionally. I wish you all the luck in your recovery! I've found Steven Hassan to be a great resource in healing and growing from this experience.
“I think it's much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong.”
― Richard Feynman

Stink Insurance

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2015, 09:17:19 PM »
+6
Welcome, and congratulations on waking up to the undue influence you were exposed to. I know how painful and unsettling it is to realize someone you've never met could have such a powerful and destructive influence. What you say is true: what is lost is lost. That sucks and the time lost and damage done should be grieved.

I was in the cult for almost 4 years. I also lost a lot of time, and had to face the very serious and permanent consequences of that recently when a close family member passed away. She immediately forgave me when I reconnected, and I've got to spend quality time with her since I've come back, but I lost a lot of time with a very special, loving person that I can't get back.

I think everyone's path going into and coming out of cults is unique, but I want to assure you that it can get better. It took me a couple of years, but I'm finally on a good track personally and professionally. I wish you all the luck in your recovery! I've found Steven Hassan to be a great resource in healing and growing from this experience.

My mother died a few months ago, and when I think now of how Molyneux had influenced me to almost view my relationship with her as some sort of evil that I need to get away from, it makes me sick.

I miss her more every day, and if I were to have done something stupid on the influence of Molyneux I don't know how I could have forgiven myself.

Time is precious, and you don't know how much of it you have until it ends. I know it's the oldest cliche in the book but it's true.

This isn't to say that people shouldn't defoo, just don't do it on the word of some internet huckster.

AMo

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2015, 07:06:11 PM »
+2
Reading all of this has brought me to tears.  Yes, there is lost time and it's sad for all involved.  Fortunate for those of you who have woken up from the nightmare...It was a valuabe learning experience that came with a heavy price.  However, you can't look back.  Just move forward, as much stronger, wiser, people now than before you got sucked in.

For those who are still in, and for their family who does their best to carry on with life while waiting and hoping, it can be quite daunting.  I look at all FDR followers as on a path....the path will eventually lead out....some are closer to the beginning of the path, excited about all that their new so-called "awareness" and "self-knowledge" if you will, will take them.  Others are somewhere near the middle, deeply entrenched in FDR, but still in a state of waiting for all of the promised improvements will surface, still digging in, voraciously, to all that FDR has to offer.  Then, half-way out, the doubts are starting to surface, but, still, being pushed back, with the follower having the idea that there must be some weakness in his character that is getting in the way.  Then, of course, the doubts, the inconsistencies and all the crap starts bubbling to the surface, and, finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  For all FDR followers, I see them as somewhere along this path, and, hopefully, they all find their way through eventually. 

The sad and scary thing is that life is so, unfortunately, short, and as time passes, life expectancies also decrease and time is running out.  For both the defooed parent and returning child,it's possible that the shock of seeing the aging that has occurred in one another, will be difficult.  We all change over time, both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  In essence, the person that left, isn't the same person as the one who returns. In the same regard, the parent has aged, perhaps with more gray hair, wrinkles and health issues.

It's as though time freezes when the FDR member defoos.  The parent has no frame of reference about his/her child other than the one who left, who may be five, ten or more years older when he/she returns.  Let's hope the defooers all find their way out before too much valuable time has passed.

CupOTea

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Re: Just awakened/intro post
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2015, 04:02:45 AM »
0
Life is messy Helene.  It is just that way.  Strength and wisdom comes from moving through the muck in life.   

I just hope someday my son will be out like you and sad about what went on.  It's important to regret the past, because if you don't, you aren't really appreciating what went on.  But then it's time to move on.  You don't do anyone any good feeling guilt and shame forever and ever.  Your sister is lucky to have you.   She needs you to be as happy as you can be.  And you need to forgive yourself for that.

Real men, proper big hairy real men who fight wild animals, naked, in the wilderness, with just a hammer and a copy of UPB, would shout, in their big hairy K-selected manly voices "look at me, I'm K-selected and I'm kicking this bear's ass, and I haven't got any pants on!"   : o )